


The Dickening

by transdimensional_void



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Other, Penises, Phan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 20:41:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7860352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transdimensional_void/pseuds/transdimensional_void
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's October of 2009. Dan and Phil have just met in person for the first time. It's the start of something new....for their dicks.</p>
<p>(This is the purest crack. I hope you all enjoy. Shoutout to Atara for the inspiration. This work is dedicated to him <3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dickening

Dan woke up and smiled. Today was the day. It was October 19, and he was at Phil’s house. Phil was the best person in the whole world, and Dan was finally here with him in person.

Phil had picked him up from the train station and brought Dan to his house. Then they had planned everything out for their video. It was their first video collab, and Dan was so nervous. But he knew he could do it. He had published his first video ever only a couple of weeks before, but it had been a success.

He pushed off the covers and reached down to his crotch like he did every morning but OH NO. Where was his dick?

He ran his hand frantically over the smooth front of his boxer briefs. Usually he would be sporting a hefty erection first thing in the morning, but when he plunged his hand inside, all he found was hair and smooth skin. Where the HELL was his dick?

He sat up and looked around frantically.

“Ha ha, Dan, why is your hand down your pants?”

It was Phil.

Dan whirled around to see Phil sitting on the bed beside him. On his lap sat Dan’s dick. Next to it was Phil’s dick, and they were clearly having a fascinating chat, judging by how their heads were leaning attentively toward one another.

“I was looking for my dick,” Dan grumbled, reaching a hand out to grab his wayward dick and put it back in its place.

“Eeee!” his dick squealed when it saw Dan’s giant, clammy paw poised above it. It jumped up and scurried around to hide behind Phil’s back.

“Aw, leave it alone for a bit,” Phil laughed, grabbing Dan’s hand and holding it in his own. “They were just getting acquainted.” Dan held Phil’s hand and watched while Phil’s dick slid off his lap and went around behind Phil to where Dan’s dick was hiding.

“Let’s go have breakfast,” Phil suggested, and Dan nodded. They went downstairs, leaving their two dicks on the bed, squeaking at one another excitedly.

When Dan and Phil came back from breakfast, though, their dicks were seated quietly on the edge of the bed side by side. Dan and Phil walked to the bed and looked down at their dicks. The dicks looked up at them then at each other.

Dan’s dick squeaked up first, and when it did, Dan and Phil were both left with their mouths hanging open.

“I didn’t even realize I’d left my laptop open on the bed!” Phil exclaimed, diving for said electronic device and scooping it up into his arms. “Oh my god! They really did it,” he gasped.

There was an internet page open on YouTube.com, but it wasn’t the YouTube home page. It was a YouTube channel… Phil’s dick’s channel!

While Dan and Phil had been leisurely eating their breakfast cereal, Phil’s dick had created its own YouTube channel, AmazingPeen, and it and Dan’s dick had filmed their own video together. Dan and Phil were both so mad. Because the video was already so popular!! It had already maxed out at 301+, and their dicks had only uploaded it a few minutes ago!!

“Now no one is going to want to watch our video,” Phil cried. There were tears streaming down the black-haired boy’s face. The brown-haired boy patted him on the shoulder.

“There, there, Phil,” he said, gazing at Phil with his chocolate brown eyes. “We can make a much better video than those couple of dicks.”

“You really think so?” the blue-eyed boy said to him, wiping away his tears.

“Yeah!” Dan said, glaring at their dicks and sticking out his tongue at them. Both dicks shrank down inside their foreskins, looking ashamed.

So Dan and Phil filmed their video together, banishing their dicks to the darkness inside their pants and telling them to behave. They mostly lay still and chastened like they were told to, though right at the end, Phil’s dick got excited and stood up all of a sudden, so he threw himself on top of Dan to hide it. He didn’t want anyone in the video to see his dick inside his jeans and think that he had actually INVITED it to collab with them. No, he was never letting his dick (or Dan’s for that matter!) be in any of his videos ever. This meant war!

“Why did you jump on me?” Dan asked, but then he felt it. His own dick was getting excited too and pushing against the front of his pants trying to get out. He could feel Phil’s dick as well, standing up straight and straining to try to touch his dick. “Diiiick,” he groaned. “I’m sorry, Phil. I don’t know why it’s being like this.”

“I know why,” Phil grinned. “My dick always acts like this around you.”

Dan blushed.

“M-mine too, actually,” he mumbled. 

“Maybe we should just let them do what they want to,” Phil shrugged. Dan agreed, so they both pulled down their pants, and Phil’s dick leapt out and pounced on Dan’s. The two boys watched their dicks happily playing and tumbling on the floor for a while, but then they remembered they had a video to edit!

They edited all night (actually Phil edited, and Dan watched and pretended he was helping instead of being useless), but finally they were happy with the video. (They had had to pause for a bit when they noticed their dicks had made quite a big mess for them to clean up.) They crawled into bed, happily holding hands. Down on the floor, their dicks had already fallen asleep cuddled up together on a discarded pair of Phil’s boxers.

Luckily, when Phil posted the video on his channel the next day, it was a big success! It was one of his most popular videos ever, and he and Dan decided that they should make lots more videos together. They said good-bye and let their dicks hug one another good-bye too before Phil took Dan back to the train station to go home.

One night, a week after Dan had returned home, though, he walked into his room to find his dick on his laptop. It jumped guiltily when he yelled at it, but it was too late. His dick had created its own channel, dickisnotonfire, and it had uploaded a video, “Hello, Dickernet!” The view count was already at 301+.

Dan called Phil at once.

“I know!” Phil said when Dan told him what happened. “My dick was hopping around inside my pants, demanding I let it out, and when I did, it ran over to the laptop and started watching your dick’s video. But that’s not even the worst of it,” Phil ended, pausing ominously.

“Oh no,” Dan groaned, shooting a dirty glance at his own dick, which was leaning against the side of his laptop trying to look innocent. “Tell me.”

“They have Twitter accounts too,” Phil muttered. “I caught my dick promo-ing your dick’s video.”

“What??” Dan shrieked. But when he looked at his computer, it was true. His dick had signed him out of Twitter and instead signed into its own account. It already had 537 followers!

“I know,” Phil said. “But people seem to like them. And they seem to still like us too. I think we have to just accept that our dicks are now also YouTubers.”

Dan shook his head. He didn’t want to accept it. But Phil was right. He had to.

“If this is what you want,” Dan said to his dick, which perked up a bit, “I’m not going to stop you. BUT I’m not going to help you either. You have to do this on your own.”

His dick stared up at him for a moment with its single rosy eye. Then it bent forward once, a nod of agreement. He could hear Phil telling his own dick something similar on the other side of the phone.

And Dan and Phil were both true to their word. They never collabed with their dicks or promoted them on Twitter or even mentioned their existence. Yet the dicks’ subscriber and follower counts continued to grow at the same rate as Dan and Phil’s. Sometimes they talked about it, how jealous they felt that their dicks had become so successful. They couldn’t help feeling competitive. After all, everyone seemed to love their dicks just as much as they loved Dan and Phil themselves. People even ended up shipping them!

When they discovered that Xacti had not only invited Dan and Phil to Jamaica but their dicks too, they all spent an awkward few days avoiding one another. But they had no choice but to take their dicks along on the trip — and didn’t their dicks just LOVE the romantic locale: the sandy beaches and soft, glowing sunsets, the gentle ocean breezes, and the glistening, clear water. They walked in on their dicks together so many times. Ugh. It was like the two dicks were on their goddamn honeymoon.

It was on that trip that the ship name was created: Peck, a portmanteau of Peen and dick.

And after that it was EVERYWHERE. Everyone was talking about how cute Peck was and how you could see the love Peen had for dick and dick for Peen in the way that their eyes stared at one another. Frankly, Dan and Phil were jealous, so they invented their own ship name, Phan. It was moderately successful, but the Peck ship was the actual hot commodity.

So Dan got mad and forbade his dick to use his computer to upload videos anymore. Phil did the same to his own dick, except that it turned out that those dicks had already earned enough money to buy their own equipment. And then the unthinkable happened — one weekend when Dan, a uni student now, was visiting Phil in his Manchester apartment, their dicks sat them down on the couch and broke the news: they were moving out and moving in together. They were leaving Dan and Phil, the very bodies who had grown and raised them, and striking out on their own.

“I don’t know what to say,” Phil told them when he finally found his voice again. “Where will you go? How will you live?”

The two dicks exchanged a long look, and that’s when it hit Dan — their dicks were truly in love. Peck wasn’t just a ship they’d created for attention. Peck was Real.

Their dicks left shortly after that. It wasn’t long before Dan and Phil learned that they’d rented their own flat down in London. That was a shock, too. How long had it been since their dicks had become more successful than they were themselves?

There was nothing for it but for Dan and Phil to just go on. They kept making videos, both together and separately, and their channels kept growing. They grieved the loss of their dicks, as a parent might grieve an estranged child. They relied on each other to get through the tough times, and before long, they realized something new: Peck wasn’t the only ship that was Real.

A short time later, Dan and Phil were moving in together, happier than they had ever been. They tried not to think so much about AmazingPeen and dickisnotonfire, though it was hard to avoid them later that year when a video AmazingPeen had secretly made for dick leaked to the public.

The next year was even worse. Dan and Phil watched from afar as dick grew angrier and angrier at its fans, berating them for believing that Peck had ever been more than a joke. Dan and Phil, meanwhile, happily enjoyed their own drama-free lives while their fanbase steadily grew. They’d been invited to make some shows for the BBC, and then it happened — the BBC wanted them to have their own regular show!

“Do you think we’ll run into them a lot once we move to London?” Dan asked Phil one night while they were lying in bed together, just before their big move.

“I don’t know,” Phil said. Then, after a pause, he continued, “Is it bad that I hope we do?”

Dan shook his head.

“No. I was thinking the same thing.” He reached for Phil’s hand and stroked it under the covers. “I miss them, Phil. I miss our dicks.”

“Me too,” Phil whispered, squeezing his hand back.

The next few months, though, they were so busy with the move and planning their show and getting it all set up, that they had very little time to worry about what was happening with #Peck.

Finally, the time came for the first show. Dan and Phil were so nervous. Everything almost went horribly wrong when the camera broke just a few seconds in, but somehow everything worked out, and when they left the studio, they were both riding a soaring high of happy feelings. They’d expected to see the small knot of fans waiting outside for them. What they hadn’t been expecting was to find their dicks stood there on the pavement, both looking stiff and unsure of themselves as Dan and Phil slowly approached.

For a moment, Peck stared up at Phan and Phan stared down at Peck, and the vague squeals and giggles of the nearby fans fell away into silence.

Then Phil motioned with his head toward their waiting taxi and their dicks both nodded.

The ride home was quiet. Very quiet. The two dicks sat between the two boys on the back seat of the taxi, and no one really looked at each other.

It took until they were all upstairs in the lounge of Dan and Phil’s London apartment and Dan was nervously suggesting he could make tea for everyone for Phil’s dick to finally squeak up. It looked better than Dan remembered — tall and proud. His own dick didn’t look half bad either as it leaned there against its partner’s side. When had their dicks grown so confident and assured?

They had come here to mend fences, Phil’s dick explained. They’d seen how happy Dan and Phil had become and how well they were doing with their radio show, and they’d realized that, as happy as dick and Peen were together, something was missing -- their bodies, to be exact.

They wanted Dan and Phil to take them back, if they would have them.

Dan and Phil looked at each other. They both had tears in their eyes.

“Of course!” Phil exclaimed, and they both reached down and squeezed their dicks in a firm hand-hug. Each dick tensed up at first, but when Dan and Phil let them go again, they saw that their dicks were both weeping too.

Their dicks moved in with them the next day, and it was almost like they’d never left. In fact, Dan and Phil quickly discovered how nice it was to have dicks again. They’d both been having to hold their pee since 2010!

After their dicks had been living with them again for a month, they decided it was finally time…to do a collab together! They all had to admit that it was long overdue. Their collective fans had been demanding it for years.

They planned the video out for weeks, all dropping sly hints on their social media that something big was coming. The fan speculation was at fever pitch when the video finally dropped: “AmazingPhilPeenisnotdandickonfire,” the ULTIMATE YouTuber mash-up collab. The fans loved it! The video hit a million views within the first day alone!

Unfortunately, the next day, the police came and arrested Dan and Phil for filming a video of their dicks and putting it on the internet where innocent children could see, and they and their dicks ended up spending the rest of their lives in jail.

 

THE END


End file.
